what happened to US

"Maybe we will meet again when we are better for each other"

No, that line is such fucking bullshit
I loved you with every inch of my fucked up heart and you couldn’t love me back
I was in recovery
I still am and I will be for the rest of my life

So please, if it is three years from now and you see me on the street
Don’t come up to me in the hope that you could rekindle the fire you started in my bones
You left me when I needed you
When I was crying for you on the bathroom floor at 4am
And no matter how much time passes
You will never be enough for me
You will never aid my recovery
You will only hinder it

And so I’m sorry sweetheart
I have to let you go
Please know this isn’t temporary
This is real
I gave you what I had left
I know it wasn’t much
But you spat it back at me anyway

So please don’t have the audacity to think that time will erase that, 
We will never be enough for each other, 
We will never be better for each other
You were a lesson,
But I confused you for a soulmate. ― Ellis Jane Edwards

We met back in 2011 online. You messaged me and asked me about something. This went on for 3 months sporadically. I wasn't really interested, merely curious. Apparently, the old adage "curiousity kills the cat" is true. Oh, and no, pun not intended but how you killed me is a story for the latter part of this post.

We were together for 13 months and then you gave up on us. You gave up on me. Whereas I never gave on you when we had issues with your ex-girlfriend, you gave up on me and you made sure you made me feel like I was the worst person on Earth because I unintentionally hurt you ...

because I destroyed you
because I made you doubt yourself 
because I made you lose yourself 
because I made you fear me 
because because because ....

Well you know what, I say BULLSHIT.

I did not destroy you. You destroyed yourself.
I did not made you doubt yourself. You doubted yourself.
I did not make you lose yourself. You willingly lost who you were or perhaps, you never really found who you were in the first place because if you knew who you really were, no woman should ever be able to make you lose who you are.
I did not make you fear me. You feared me because you never thought you were good enough beneath your false bravado and false confidence.


For the past 30 months, every time we speak to each other and I ask you, you would avoid answering me straight but you never hesitated to blame me. We broke up coz of me, me, me, me. It's always me. It's like you never did anything wrong, like you never hurt me, never made me doubt because of your ex-girlfriend. It was just me. I was the bad one.

For the past 30 months, I believed you. After all, you were the nice one and I was the cranky one. You were friendly and I was not so friendly. You would go out of your way and do things for me and I was the one who would just not appreciate it.

For the past 30 months since we broke up, I have been painted as the bad one. You broke up with me even though you love me. You're still there for me because you wanna make sure I'm okay. You can't get back with me coz you're scared of me but you have absolutely no problems taking advantage of things if it fits what you want.

TAKE ADVANTAGE; such a strong accusation you might say. Yes, I accuse you of that because you keep saying you're not really happy when I ask you if you are. You keep saying you're just so-so. If you are pretending to just be so-so for my sake, I don't get it. If you are pretending to not be happy for my sake, there is absolutely no reason to do that. You tell me LIES and so I say you are using your lies to take advantage of me.

I am done. I thought you were my knight in shining armor but apparently you were the poison in the apple I bit years ago. I just didn't realize you were one of those poison that kills you slowly but surely. I am done hurting and dying to feed your ego.
I loved you with every inch of my fucked up heart and you couldn’t love me back
I was in recovery
I still am and I will be for the rest of my life
You were a lesson,
But I confused you for a soulmate.
I didn't mean to hurt you ... not once in the 13 months we were together did I wake up with the intention to inflict pain on you but for the past 30 months, you have slowly, deliberately, and systematically sought to destroy every piece of my heart. You are a coward, a cheater, and a fool and I am done enabling you.



PS. Stop cheating. If she doesn't make you happy like you always tell me every single month we speak and see each other, then dump her. Every girl deserves a guy who will be FAITHFUL to her.

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5 comments:

  1. My ex said those things too. like "You destroyed me" "you did this to me" all I did was cared for him and that hurt his pride because he's a man. :(( as soon as he broke up he treated me (and my family) with every disrespect a man could do.

    Jessica | http://ladyarizel.blogspot.com/

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  2. Amen to this!!!!!! Bravo girl!!! Bravo!! :)

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  3. In my case, I was the one who broke up because I can't put up with his lies anymore and this is the message that I received when I broke up:

    "ok... pero tandaan mo na ikaw ang me kasalanan kung bakit ako ganito sayo ngayon... ikaw ang bumitaw... wala ka pinagkaiba sa mga past ko... goodbye"

    Weak men really love to blame the girl don't they?

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    Replies
    1. True that. We are not perfect but to put the blame on us entirely is just wrong.

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