forever or not ....



I don’t think there is someone out there for me. There. I said it. It’s real. I actually said it out loud or rather, wrote about it.

I’ve fallen in love so many times and had my heart broken more times than I care to count. Every single boy, guy, man that I fell in love with has managed to break my heart. Every single one of them, I actually saw a future together. I thought it was forever but save for a few who did want forever with me, forever for the others was 4 years, 1 year and 8 months, and for the last one, forever was 1 year and 1 month of officially being together and then 1 year of toying with me.

What a forever huh?

I’ve been single for over a year and though I am not on the lookout for a new relationship, I just feel that there really is no one out there for me. I feel like I’m meant to be on my own. Perhaps I’m right and perhaps, I’m wrong. However, I have some valid point to back me up on this.

First of all, there seems to be a shortage of decent, legally single men who fall in my age range. Yes, I meet a lot of men with the many events that I go to on a weekly basis but most of them are married or with someone else. I don’t need that. I need someone legally available to be with me and I need someone whom I can present to family and friends and not feel ashamed. 

Second, I need someone who will understand that he will never be my first priority. I think this is the one that kills things immediately. You see, most guys can’t accept that but in my case, they need to. I have a son and a career that I need to focus on more than I can focus on my relationship. I need someone who is equally passionate about his life as he is passionate about us. 

I was with someone who wouldn’t even meet with his friends without me and though it was his choice, in the end, he took it against me that I had a life of my own while his life was me. I didn’t deserve that and I don’t need someone like that. 

Third, I need someone who is financially more stable than I am. I don’t need his money but I need him to not be a burden to me. If he is financially stable, it will show me that he has discipline and foresight. I’m tired of being the one to always fix things and come up with solutions. I need someone who can help me carry the burden and not add to the burden that is already on my shoulders.

Lastly, I need someone who won’t give up. I think this is pretty hard to find nowadays because people in this day and age just take the easy way out. They think that when things are broken, it needs to be thrown away. Unfortunately, I’m one of those who believe that when things are broken, it can still be fixed. 

So there. I don’t think there is someone out there for me. There. I said it. It’s real. I actually said it out loud or rather, wrote about it.


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6 comments:

  1. There is somebody for every one. It's just that we all look in the wrong places in finding them. Beautiful things don't ask for attention; hence, you won't find Mr. or Ms. Right basking in the spotlight or in a box all wrapped in golden paper and red ribbons. You'll find that person in the unlikeliest of places, unnoticed, unappreciated, but beautiful in its own right. Look for him/her, not with rose-colored glasses, but with understanding eyes.

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    1. I think I just won't look anymore Mr. Hughes. There's no point to it since right now, I am not ready to even date anyone. True, I sometimes feel sad that I do not have anyone to share my day with but these are but fleeting moments.

      Perhaps when its meant to happen, whoever this person is will appear and then things will unfold the way they are meant to unfold.

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  2. Waiting for your knight in shining armor: we could look at it that way, just like Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty did. But life is not a fairy tale, and unfortunately, women shouldn't be damsels in distress.

    What if you waited and the person who came was the least you expected? What if he's more of a monster, like physically, or emotionally, but he genuinely likes you. How will you accept that person?

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    1. I have stopped waiting for my knight in shining armor or prince charming to arrive. I am my own hero and I know that I need to do things for myself because there is no one out there who will do it for me.

      Life is really not a fairy tale though there have been moments it was.

      If he is a monster physically but he has a good heart, I know that I have never looked at the physical before. If he is a monster emotionally, that is a different ballgame.

      I will accept the physical but not the emotional. Life is too short to waste on someone who will just keep hurting me. I have had my fair share of emotional monsters. Never again will I fall for one. I'd rather be alone my entire life.

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  3. Thanks for saying this out loud. Those are my exact same thoughts about myself. Whenever people say that there's someone out there for me, i just want to punch them in the face. Since when did they become fortune tellers?

    It's good that you have your non-negotiables when it comes to finding a partner.

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    1. I think we all need to have those so we know what we can live with and what we can't live with. For now, I choose to be on my own.

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