101/365 photoblog: partially Broken


I intentionally wrote partially in small caps to emphasize how this photo reflects how I feel right now. This is actually the tablet I gave my son. He went up the bed to get the tablet to stop from "hanging." It seems he thought that if he raised it high above his head, it will suddenly start working.

Lo and behold it fell and cracked from the inside.

Why did I choose this? Actually, it was a last minute choice. I was typing the title of this post when I realized that this photo I took to use on FB to ask friends if it can still be fixed is exactly how I am right now.

It used to be that FM can break me just like that. He doesn't believe it because he says I could break him just like that ... what he hasn't accepted is that WE can break each other just like that ... because as much as he breaks me ... I have chosen to stay for almost a year from the time he chose to gave up.

Yesterday, he told me he was pursuing someone new. There was a break but now, its partial. It's just a small crack now, unlike the ones before where I just shatter and splinter. Now, its just a little crack which can be easily fixed.

It's funny that the photo also shows the question, "would you like to shut down?" Answer to that is YES. I choose to shut down and not date because I know I am not ready. I do not want to use someone just to distract me or make me laugh. I do not want to use anyone. People deserve more than to be used as fillers, toys, amusement, or distraction.

I may have partially broken again but I know that I'll heal faster. I'm stronger now that I used to. An entire years worth of heartache from the not so funny man ensured that. If I survived how he broke me over and over again, I can survive this tiny little crack.

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