Last night, I felt like I fell apart and maybe I did but I'm grateful that it was only for a few moments. It meant that I was still human and that I feel.
I'm not fake. I won't pretend to be happy if I am not nor would go I go as far as posting fake happy tweets if I wasn't feeling happy at that time. When I say I was happy, it means I was. However, last night, I wasn't. I was heartbroken and looking back, I don't even really know if I should have been heartbroken or if the overthinking, paranoid, jealous part of me go the best of me. After all, I couldn't really ask the person I wanted to ask what the truth was right?
So today, I spent time with my family and reminded myself of what really matters in life. Yes, he still matters to me but he's no longer a part of my life. He chose not to be and I need to appreciate those who have chosen to stay.
Today, I am grateful for ...
- Allan who is a constant by my side
- Vida who keeps reminding me that I am worth it
- my family, especially my Mom and my sister who keep me sane and hug me whenever I cry
- Oda and Jeje, new found friends who support me, accept me and love me
- my son, who is always ready to give me a kiss and a hug
- FM for leaving me ... yes, for leaving me because it was when he left me that I came to realize what I needed to fix about myself and what I needed to sort out ... the immense pain he gave me made me more mature and forced me to look really hard on myself
- FM for loving me ... he may not have stuck around but I know that he really did love me
- for every tear that has added steel to my spine
- for every moment that has made me smile
- for work that will allow me to build the life I deserve and the one that I want for my son
- for the determination that I feel in getting my life back on track
I am grateful.