dear heart

It's been over a year. 2012 was a pretty good year for us wasn't it? Unfortunately, as they said, some good things never last. This one didn't either. I thought it would.

I honestly thought it would. Due to this, it really, truly, sincerely hurt when it ended. You see, I really believed him when he said that as long as I don't hurt his kids and I don't cheat on him, he would never leave me. I really believed him when he said that we would sort out whatever comes our way TOGETHER. He would never leave me.

This is what he promised. This is what I believed.

Then, he left.

He left heart. Stop fooling yourself that he's still there. He's not. The funny man you fell in love with is no longer there. He doesn't exist anymore. He's gone. He's hiding somewhere, licking his wounds.

The man you see right now is not the same. The funny man would never hurt you the way this one does. The funny man would never put you through so much pain. Remember, all he wanted was to make you smile and laugh.

The funny man forgives and loves you. He accepts you for what you are, flaws and all. This one right now, he thinks of himself. He doesn't care about your feelings. Sure, he helps you but till a certain extent only. Sure, he feels guilty but he continues to do what he wants. He loves you yes but he doesn't love you enough.

He can't love you anymore. He's too scared to love you. He's too scared to fight for his own happiness, much less your happiness heart. He's scared. He's a scared little boy and right now, he isn't man enough to be with you.

You need to accept that heart. I know you love him. I know you do. He doesn't love you though. He no longer does. He can't love you coz in his heart, there is only fear.

Accept it and move forward heart. The man you love with all your heart and life is no longer there. Accept it. Stop this pain we're feeling.

Please. Stop it. It hurts too much. It's consuming me and I cannot be consumed with this kind of pain. I still have B. I have a Mom who hurts for me and a sister forced to mature to be there for me. I have friends who hurt because I'm hurting. I cannot continue hurting for a guy who can't care that he hurts me because he's consumed with his own pain. We need to stop heart.

We really need to.

If he ever gets the courage to love you again, we wouldn't know. Until that happens though, please, love me first. Love us. You can still love him, but keep it to yourself. He doesn't need to know about that anymore. He doesn't care anyway.

So please stop heart? Please? For both our sanity's sake. Let him go for real ... if he finds his way back to us, then you know he really loves you and if he remains in hiding, then we both know that the love he had for us wasn't strong enough.

Let go. We both need to. He needs this and I need this. Let go. He's already left anyway.