|family photo before the twins left|
|at the airport before they left for china|
|the award for 4th place|
|the team posing with the Philippine Flag and their award|
|at the dinner reception|
|their TV guesting at UNTV's Kaagapay|
family photo before the twins left the twins at the airport before they left for china the award for 4th place t...
Was this really happening? Maybe I was imagining things. He did turn and looked right? He's been turning to look at me several times already. I can't possibly have imagined it. Can I?
Okay, we've taken our other friend home now. It's just the two of us in the car, the way its supposed to be, the way it should have been, the way it's always been in my mind since I was in 6th grade.
We're chatting ... his hand touched mine. Electricity. Shivers. He felt it too. I can tell. I felt it. He smiled. Sigh, that smile just makes me melt. Why does he have to look at me that way? Why does he have to smile at me? I am melting, falling once more.
Stop. I have someone in my life. He has someone in his life. We can't be together. We want to but we can't. We no longer can.
We've parked the car now. His arms are wrapped around me. We're comfortable this way. We've always been comfortable with each other. We talk and talk ... and talk some more. We joke and laugh. The tension is there. You can almost touch it if you dare. He jokingly asks me if I'd ever paid him the kiss I owed him when we were in 1st year college. I told him why would I? It was two years ago.
He tells me he wonders at times what it would be like to kiss me. I tell him I wonder the same thing too. We both laughed. I turn to tell him he was an idiot and he stares at me. Our eyes locked and time literally felt like it stopped. He draws me closer and I closed my eyes.
Finally, it happened. We kissed.
It was a kiss like no other. It was a kiss like I've never felt before. It was a kiss from him.
We kissed for what seemed like hours but in reality it was just a few minutes.
Reality came back. Sanity set in. What have we done?
We talked. He loves me, I love him ... but we can't be together. We couldn't risk it. We just can't. It was too scary ... we had too much to lose. We weren't brave enough.
That night, before he left, he told me I was his best friend and if we remain best friends ... we'd never be out of each other's life. That was in 2002. I haven't heard from him since 2008. It's been two years now.
I wonder where he is now. I wonder, if from time to time, he thinks of that night too. I wonder, if he thinks of me too.
It was chilly in the movie house, or maybe that was just me since I easily get cold. I was shivering a little bit. He turned to look at me. ...
Here we are ... all bangs and all ... we look good right? I got my sister some skeletal stuff where she gets to study all the body parts and...
"Sit down." He asked me to sit down. Maybe there was still hope, maybe there was still a chance. Maybe. So many thoughts passing through my mind, so many things rushing by. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out. I wanted to say something but my mouth refused to utter the words.
"Why are you here? Didn't I tell you that I was tired and I don't want to talk?" Heartbreak. I could literally feel the hands crushing my heart, squeezing it bit by bit, not letting go, just holding tight until merely breathing required my full concentration.
"It's over." Wow, where did that come from. Oh, that was me. I can't believe I was able to say that in such a calm manner. So calm that it frightened me. It should have frightened him too. It would have, if only he truly knew who I was. He should have. Should.
He looked a bit shocked. I know he wasn't expecting it. He turned to face his computer. Maybe he didn't want to look at me, maybe he wanted to hide the pain he felt. Did he feel pain? I'd like to think so. We were together for quite some time. He did love me. Loved; with a D.
He tells me it's my fault. I wouldn't let it go. He got mad, said hurtful words. He was just angry, needed a break for now. For now. Like I was some toy he could just put on the shelf because he was tired of playing with me and when he misses me, he can just take me out of the shelf and play with me again. My fault really. I allowed myself to be treated that way and so he thought he could just do it again and again.
Big mistake. Really big. I refused to be treated that way. I deserve better. I knew better. I want something better. I needed someone better.
Beep beep ... the sound his mobile phone makes when someone messages him. I waited for him to pick it up. I waited for him to read it. I waited for him to reply. I waited. It didn't happen. And I knew ... I just knew in the bottom of my heart that there was someone else..
I took his phone and read the message. It seems there wasn't someone else. There were a lot of them. Blair, Diana, Jenny, and so many more. They were text mates ... there were flirtations, sexual innuendos. There were calls made at the wee hours of the morning. There were messages sent at times that he claims he could not text me because of work. There were so many more.
I snapped. I slapped him. He deserved it. He became angry. We fought. He smashed my head against the wall ... my ear turned bright red. The next day, I would be rushed to the ER of a hospital due to severe head trauma. We fought, we calmed down, we fought, and then calmed down again. We talked. He thought we'd still be able to sort things out in the future. I knew that there would never be a future for us. It wasn't meant to be.
Maybe it was him smashing my head against the cabinet but everything became clear to me. He wasn't the guy whom I portrayed him to be in my mind. He was nowhere near that guy. He was trash that I coated with gold and diamonds in my mind. He was nothing that I made into something. He was my nightmare that I turned into a dream come true.
That night happened over 4 months ago ... at times, it haunts me still. A part of me wishes that it never happened but a small part of me is glad that it did. It may have been painful and traumatic but it was exactly what needed to happen for me to realize what needed to be realized. It was the end of an illusion that I created and the beginning of the reality that is what I have right now.
Still, it haunts me from time to time; the same way that it is haunting me now.
"Come in." I was surprised, startled, at loss for words, hoping. I didn't think he would ask me to go inside his house. I thou...
I have asked myself this question so many times in the past ... I have answered it so many times as well in the past. I can think of a lot of answers and all of them would be right but at the same time, all of them would be wrong. They are right because that is what I am but they are also wrong because words are not enough to describe what I am.
I am a woman. I am complex, extremes, sane most of the time, insane at times. I am a woman. I love, have loved, been loved. I've hurt, have hurt, been hurt. I am a woman. I am vengeful and forgiving. I try to balance both but sometimes, one wins over the other. Do not ask me which one it is. I will not answer.
I am a woman. I am fragile, easily broken. I am strong, like the bamboo I bend but never break. I am soft, ready to be hugged and cuddled. I am hard, unyielding and firm in a decision. I am hot, surrounding you with love and warmth. I am cold, icier than glacier when the situation calls.
I am woman. I am a lot of things. I am nothing. I am everything.
I have asked myself this question so many times in the past ... I have answered it so many times as well in the past. I can think of a lot...
I practiced with some layouts ... here they are ... what do you think?
I practiced with some layouts ... here they are ... what do you think?
|sign that you are at a Chinese resto|
|before we went to battle|
|what we bought ....|
sign that you are at a Chinese resto scallops soup before we went to battle feeling turista souvenir shot what we bou...
Happy weekend everyone!
It seems that it is not only me that is bothered by the bright sunlight coming in our room early in the morning. My son, the genius, has com...
|from top to bottom (Nutting Hill, I-rone Man, and Maltey and Me)|
|chocolate and strawberry milkshake|
|the three of us|
from top to bottom (Nutting Hill, I-rone Man, and Maltey and Me) chocolate and strawberry milkshake the three of us I plan to do th...
I bet he didn't donate the 5k shoes that I gave him. I bet he didn't donate the shirts I gave him, nor the bag, nor anything expensive I gave him. I would bet my life on it. After all, those were expensive and he can't afford to buy it.
I guess it serves me right for putting up with trash. Trashy person from a trashy place = trashy behavior. What else can I expect from someone who picks up girls from chat tv and who got someone pregnant because the girl had big boobs. Sheesh.
This is what my stupid ex said when I asked him to return my books. "I donated it to charity." The nerve. The sheer nerve. I can...
These gifts from my brothers that they brought home for me from their trip to China made me really happy. It tells me that they finally know what will really make me smile and what truly matters to me. You see, I did not ask them to bring me anything and they managed to come up with the perfect gift. Kirk got me a really unique pen made from a tree branch while Karl got me an old notebook and magnets. I love it.
I feel that they know me now. Partly anyway. I feel happy.
These gifts from my brothers that they brought home for me from their trip to China made me really happy. It tells me that they finally kno...
It seems that he actually got help from Ate E and she somehow sneaked her way past me to get the flowers into my room. You can just imagine my shock when the bouquet of flowers greeted me on my dresser when I entered my room. It made me smile.
Now this is what I call EFFORT.
These are the cakes and flowers that L somehow managed to get into my room and house without me knowing about it. What made this such a surp...
It really was a lot of fun. Happy memories!
So last Sunday, we went to Rockwell. We had dinner at Burgoo and the article about that can be read here but before we had dinner, we actual...
That being said, I don't believe that we should leave everything to fate. I think that even when everything that is happening happens for a reason, we should also make a conscious effort to get things done. A great example of this would be my love for arts and crafts. Yes, I love it. Yes, I think that I have the needed skill for it. Yes, I think I can do very well if I decide to pursue it.
Still, I need to learn a lot of things about it. Inate ability and inborn talent will not get me anywhere if I do not hone my skills or talents. We all have areas for improvement and the person who believes that he no longer needs to learn or be educated can bury himself for he is dying a slow death. After all, practice makes perfect. And when you have perfected something, then it is time that you learn something new.
Life is about learning. It is about learning new things constantly, endlessly. Life is about doing what you love, learning more about what you love, perfecting it, and constantly improving it. It is about asking yourself, what else can I improve? What else can I work on? What else can I do to make this more amazing?
We should never be content when it comes to improving our passion, our talent, our skills. We should never be happy with okay when it can still be great. This is the only way you can truly excel. This is the only way to be. This is the only way.
Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe in that. Good things, bad things, heartbreaks, getting pregnant, death, falling in love .....
|the packaging if you buy more than 8 pieces|
|some of the ice cream Daddy brought|
|looks like the common pinipig ice cream right?|
|NOT! It has a chocolate bar in the middle. Cool huh?|
Last Sunday, my Dad made us try a new ice cream he bought from a Korean Store besides Yakimix in Macapagal. At first, we were a bit hesitant...
|my mom's creation|
And after the wait was over, here we are gorging on some heavenly meals.
|chicken teriyaki pasta|
|shrimp and ribs platter|
We had a great weekend. Did you?
We went to Rockwell yesterday after attending an open house for a condo in Makati. We had dinner at Burgoo and what always amazes me about B...