I should tell you ... I should tell you ...

I first heard this song when I watched RENT with a good friend of mine. This song hit me pretty hard. There are so many things that I should tell people, a certain someone, a someone ... but I never got around to doing it. They say that life should never be lived with regrets and I would love to say that I am one of those who do not have regrets but unfortunately, that would be a lie. I do have some regrets but luckily, they are few and scattered here and there.

I should tell you ...

RT - I wish that we had jumped out of the friendship ship. Maybe, just maybe, we'd still be together now and happily in love. Maybe, just maybe, we would have one great love story. But we will never know because we were both scared to lose this friendship that we seems to have lost anyway.

MU - What if I had gone back to you when you asked me back? What if I forgave you? What if I had allowed you to fight for us? I loved you ... we broke up 1997 after a 19 month relationship but it took me over 2 years to move on and several years later to truly let go ... I loved you that much. It's actually because of you that I no longer let go of a guy as long as I still feel something. When I saw a recent photo of you, my heart still jumped. First love will do that to you I guess.

RS - I did want to marry you. I did want it to be you.. I was just overwhelmed with the love you showed me. It was too much and I felt that I did not deserve to be loved. I was too broken and messed up ... I was not ready. I'm sorry.

A - You will never know how truly hurt I am by what you did. You will never see the depth of the wounds you've inflicted on me. I should tell you, I should let you know, but I can't. I won't. You will never know how much you really mean to me ... what could have been ... what might have been. I, too, had dreams of us ... not now, not yet ... but there were dreams. There was a dream. WAS.

I should tell you ... but I won't.