kiss me goodbye ... I'm defying gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
bring me down!


I first heard this song performed on Glee. I loved it even then when I haven't really read the lyrics. 2 weeks ago I went through some shithole and a friend of mine suggested I listen to it. I did and I hear the lyrics but it was only tonight that I really "heard" what the song was about.

Before this, I was talking to Laine whom I just recently met. She's 2 years younger than I am but tonight, she made much more sense. A lot of sense. She told me things that I guess I knew already at the back of my mind but was just refusing to listen to.

At 330am this early morning, I called a friend of mine in the US and we talked for over half an hour. She told me a lot of things that I needed to hear, not wanted but needed and I realized so much. This was followed by a conversation with Arnie and he just sort of solidified what Flare said. Lastly, this was followed by Vida and they all just made sense.

All my life, I've been conforming myself to what someone wants me to be. Long hair because they want it that way, short because that's the preference. Thin, fat, chubby, make up, no make up. Fashionista, simple get up. All my life, I have tried to be the perfect someone for someone.

These people I talked to from 330am till just about now ... they all have one advice for me ... love yourself. I need to love myself. I need to defy gravity because gravity for me is loving someone else and never me. I need to change to be a better person and not be this neurotic creature that I am now; this insipid, pathetic fool.

And so, I will ... I will defy gravity. It will be hard but until I try, I will never know. I will be me for me ... and if someone cannot accept who I really am, I will cry when that person goes but at least, I will be me; not someone he thinks I should be.

I am not a great person, but I am a good person. I am not a perfect mother, daughter, friend, lover ... but I try my best and when I love, I love ... and I know how to forgive. I know this because I just found out my ex was terminated from his work a month after I left him and I did not feel vindictive nor happy. I felt sad for him. I pity him. And so I know, I have forgiven and its a wonderful feeling.

I am not perfect ... but I am also not a bad person. I deserve to be forgiven for my wrongdoings, to be given the chance to correct my mistakes and learn from it, and I deserve to be loved.

I deserve to be loved.

Share this:

CONVERSATION

4 comments:

  1. They say that the best way to find love and be loved is to love yourself. Once you love and respect yourself you will also make the life choices that brings you to true love from another person.

    I hope that your forgiveness also reach yourself. We are so often harder on ourself than we are on other people.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree, we all deserve to be loved. (((hugs)))

    Thanks for sharing the lyrics of this song. I had goosebumps the first time I heard it in Glee.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ kadri: I haven't ... but I am learning to forgive myself ...

    @ rachel: your welcome

    ReplyDelete
  4. you are a beautiful person kay and have a good heart inside you. you definitely deserve to be loved not only by the people around you but most importantly by you :)

    on the song defying gravity. this is one of my favorite songs. i discovered this via the musical "wicked" where glee got it from. this is my song everytime i feel some people are bringing me down instead of being happy for me. it is also my song when i need more encouragement in doing things unconventionally.

    ReplyDelete