Wednesday, August 29, 2007

happy birthday Ida!

We all had a blast celebrating Ida's birthday at the Fort. First, we ate at Trio and had the most sumptous pasta. I swear, it was real good. Unofortunately, I forgot to take a picture of the food. I'll get one when I go back. Then we were off to Cuisine to hang out and kill time before the dancing started. It was so much fun to not think about work and all the stress that came with it. I sure hope this happens again.

So to you Ida, Happy birthday and I sure hope we'll be working harmoniously for a very long time. You are the coolest! Ü Thank you for making life easier at work.


mini cake ordered by our other MO

Monday, August 20, 2007

building anticipation

Today, my alarm went off at 5:30 am but I didn't mind. After all, for the first time in 3 years, I was going to the gym to work out. Last night, I laid out all the stuff that I needed, making sure that I had everything I need to have.

Rubber shoes, check. Socks that were cute and comfy, check. Leggings, check. Shirt, check. Gym bag, check. Water bottle, check. ID, check. Toiletries, check. I was ready and raring to go. I brought my trusty iPod to ensure that I would be pumped up. I was already imagining myself running gracefully (this is a much needed lie coz in reality, I'd probably be as graceful as a buffalo on rollerskates) on the treadmill and doing the cardio striptease with ease.

6:30 am - - Hubby brought me to the place and I started climbing three flights of stairs without complaining. It was after all a way to get my blood pumping. When I saw the door, there stood my angel ready to welcome me to the world of fitness. He opened his mouth and I was ready to say thank you for the warm welcome that he was sure to give me. He said, "Ma'am, we're open at 10am today due to the Holiday."

What?!?!?!!?!?!?!

There goes my 1st gym experience after 3 years of being a lazy couch potato.

building anticipation

Today, my alarm went off at 5:30 am but I didn't mind. After all, for the first time in 3 years, I was going to the gym to work out. Last night, I laid out all the stuff that I needed, making sure that I had everything I need to have.

Rubber shoes, check. Socks that were cute and comfy, check. Leggings, check. Shirt, check. Gym bag, check. Water bottle, check. ID, check. Toiletries, check. I was ready and raring to go. I brought my trusty iPod to ensure that I would be pumped up. I was already imagining myself running gracefully (this is a much needed lie coz in reality, I'd probably be as graceful as a buffalo on rollerskates) on the treadmill and doing the cardio striptease with ease.

6:30 am - - Hubby brought me to the place and I started climbing three flights of stairs without complaining. It was after all a way to get my blood pumping. When I saw the door, there stood my angel ready to welcome me to the world of fitness. He opened his mouth and I was ready to say thank you for the warm welcome that he was sure to give me. He said, "Ma'am, we're open at 10am today due to the Holiday."

What?!?!?!!?!?!?!

There goes my 1st gym experience after 3 years of being a lazy couch potato.

1 Comments:
Judy Thomas said...
You poor thing! At least there was somebody there and you didn't just face a locked door and no explanation. Good luck tomorrow..you ARE going back tomorrow, yes??? :-)
at 9:06 AM

if I believed in paradise

... I wouldn't be hurting right now ... feeling every inch of my heart breaking and trying to patch itself only to be trampled by your reckless actions and words

.... I wouldn't suffer humiliation in front of my friends whenever you get upset over something.... you would love me the way I deserved to be loved

.... you would learn to swallow your pride and say sorry instead of waiting for me to be the one to wave the white flag

.... we would all be happy and not just pretending to be okay

.... then tears wouldn't be running down my face right now, my heart won't be aching, and my dreams would still be intact.But I no longer believe in paradise

... i wonder if I ever will again.


3 Comments:

Oldqueen44 said...
Wow... You don't sound so good. I would like to suggest to you to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Doctor Laura. Also... Created To Be His Helpmeet"These books are difficult to read for a contemporary woman but they will help you to understand the dynamics of married life. Men and women are so different in their thinking. Take charge, be proactive. Don't give up, trust God to have the very best for you. That is what he has planned for you. Friends come in all shapes and sizes for all kinds of reasons. Some are for a life time and some are for just a season. It is a hard concept to accept but once you settle on why friends come and go it will make the going part easier. I figure I always have to give 100% in a friendship. If the time comes that I realize that person is not interested in being bosom buddies I let the friendship drift. There will be another person around the corner that desires the friendship I have to offer. You have to think about what you can offer others rather than why they are not being the friend you need. All that being said I feel your pain about the loss of friendships. I have a friend that has been very intertwined in my life for 20 years. In the past 2-3 years things have changed. It has been a big adjustment to me but I am accepting that God had us bonded for a period for specific reasons and now it is time to move on. It really is OK. It is not the end of the friendship, the dynamics are just different now.Be a good mother. Be good to yourself physically and emotionally. Read those books and trust that things can be better.
at 3:44 AM

Daddy Forever said...
Sounds like you really hurting. So sorry. I hope you find paradise again even though you don't believe in it right now.
at 12:26 PM

Heart of Rachel said...
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope life will lead you to a better road, away from pain.
at 12:14 AM

Sunday, August 19, 2007

someday

This post is a tribute to the men whose lives were once intertwined with mine.

Someday, someone's gonna love you the way you wanted me to love you. Someday, you will realize that when I broke your heart, I was actually opening the door to a better world for you. I hope that someday you will find the girl you've been looking for, the one who will make you feel the love you felt for me, if not even more.

To M, thank you for opening the world of love to me when I felt I was not ready. You were my high school sweetheart and you will always be. You were my first heartbreak as well and it took me over two years just to get over you. I still think of you from time to time, wondering if you are happy with her, hoping that you are because I still care for you. I know you don't know this but my heart broke when you sent me that last text, 7 years after we broke up. I knew that it was the last time I would hear from you and 3 years later, you've never made your presence felt. You will always have a special place in my heart.

To J, you saved me from obsessing over M. Getting to you though was an arduous trip. I had to break someone's heart and a lifetime friendship. I am sorry about that. I was vindictive and petty. I think I still am but I'm learning to control it. Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of loving and fighting for. Thank you for accepting me at my lowest moments in life. Thank you for proving to me that some good things never last. I've learned that lesson the hard way but it has made me a stronger person as well.

To R, you were the perfect guy, the one guy every girl dreams of having. Romantic, sweet,real, funny, thoughtful, educated, loyal, faithful, and puts the relationship first before anything. Unfortunately, we were just two different creatures with too different tastes. One of us had to change 360 degrees just to be with the other. I couldn't let you live that lie your whole life. I knew you were willing but it was unfair to you. So I had to let you go.

To all three of you, you have shaped me to be the woman that I am now. you have in your own ways made me who I am as a person. For that, I am forever grateful. For the tears that I've shed for you, some of it was worth all the pain while some were not. But every single tear I've shed has made me stronger and better.

I hope that you can say the same thing for me but I know that in your own ways, you will never be able to forgve me for hurting you. I'm sorry. I hope that you can let go of the pain so that you will have room for love, for that one woman who will change everything.Till then, someday ... I hope someone will love you the way you wanted me to love you.

2 Comments:
Heart of Rachel said...
I've had my share of heartaches too. I have learned from the pain and somehow I have become a better person ... I would like to believe so.
at 3:47 PM

LauraJ said...
how sweet was this? You are a treasure to behold my dear!
at 10:27 PM
=

Thursday, August 16, 2007

empty promises

Why do friendships end? How can two people who get along so well, and have so much in common that they can spend the rest of the day drinking coffee and trading stories suddenly find themselves not being able to go beyond the casual hi's and hello's? Why is it so easy to tell someone that I will be your friend no matter what and then be able to turn your back on that person just as easily? Why do friends have to fall in love and fall out? Why is it so hard to forgive a friend who betrayed you? Why is it that we always choose our significant other over our so called best friend?I have lost so many friends over the years. Some are just floating, still within reach. Others have really drifted, and is way beyond my reach. Some come back but I'm hesitant to reach out, fearing for the safety of my own heart.Why does this have to happen? Why must we kiss? Why must we fall in love knowing that it can never be? Why must we fight? Why must we analyze every single nuance of a word, an action? Why must we put more importance in what we think is right over what we call our friendship? Why does pride get in the way? How can we fix this broken chain?Lastly, tell me why must you make me believe in words that we both know are just empty promises?


2 Comments:
Judy Thomas said...
{{hugs}} It's hard when forever friendships and loves turn out not to be. But the only way to completely protect yourself from the possibility of being hurt is also to cut yourself from the possibility of feeling love from friends. That's not fair to you. I love you... and I'm here for you .. email me if you need to.
at 10:19 AM

VAIL said...
I have been close to where you are at. Neither side is an easy one to be on. Both are confusing and stressful. Thought you may like a "poem" I posted a few months ago . . .http://wannabethoughts.blogspot.com/2007/03/heartfelt.html
at 11:12 AM

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

silver lining on the horizon

There's always a silver lining after a storm. I think that's how the saying goes. After a month of storm, I can now say that I see the sun starting to shine. I have my family back and I am secured once more. This does not mean that I will take the security I have for granted. To some it may sound superficial and maybe it is but I feel that I need to do this.

Men are indeed visual creatures and when the person that they spend most of their time with is no longer that appealing, they will tend to look elsewhere. Hence, I'll do my best to make sure that if he does look another way, he will find it very hard to do so. I have to admit that I have let go of my appearance for the past 2 years or so, always thinking that he loves me for what I am and can accept that I am a massive blob.

Unfortunately, this is the real world and my Prince Charming is able to find other Princesses or Wiked Witches I should say. And in this real world, women have to take care of their looks, hence risking the fact that their own Prince Charming may be wooed away by the Wicked Witch of the West.

Lesson learned for me and I hope it will be a wake up call to all the woman out there. Yes, you may not be married to someone who values physical as well as what is inside. Yes, you may be married to someone who swears you are the only one. My question though is, are you willing to risk the possibility of your Prince findng someone simple because you do not have time to look good for him? I would suggest that you do not do that. Or if it sounds superficial ... think of it this way. When we go to parties or functions, we make an effort to look good right? Can we not do the same for our own Prince?

Your thoughts?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

should I stay or should I go?

How long does it take for someone to say, "I love you" and mean it? Does it take a moment, a wday, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime? How do you know that it really is love? How do you know it's not just infatuation or deep desire? How do you know that when you promise to honor somone, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse .... that they really mean it? That you really mean it?

I love her but I chose you and our family because I felt guilty and I know that it was wrong. I still love you too. I've just been complacent coz I knew that you would never leave me because you love me.

What does that mean? How can you fall in love with someone you met 2 weeks ago and had an affair with for a week? You had stolen moments. You had lil time. how can you know someone well enough to fall in love with them in such a short time? Why was it in two weeks you were able to give her the things I've been asking from you? Time, attention, effort, kisses, and hugs.

Why couldn't you do the same for me? You said I was a good partner, that I took care of you and everything else. You said I was too good that you felt too secured. Why did you have to hurt me this way? I feel so broken ... I feel so lost.Why?

10 Comments:
Judy Thomas said...
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} My dear friend, I do understand what you are going through and I hurt for you. There are no easy answers to this kind of pain and betrayal. If you want to email or call me, I'm here for you. Praying God's strenghth for you as you face this and try to figure out what to do.I love you.
at 10:34 AM

Daddy Forever said...
I'm sorry Kay. I really am. I don't think you can fall in love with someone you just met. And I don't understand how he can cheat and still say he loved you. Be strong, Kay. I hope you find happiness and love again soon.

at 2:28 PM
May said...
Kay, {{{Hugsss}}} I texted you. Hope you got it.

at 2:55 PM
Vader's Mom said...
Prayers. Lots and lots of prayers.

at 7:01 AM
Nerina said...
oh girl, i dont know what to tell you except that im here for u and i love u loads!friendster me ur fone number so i can call you. love yahnerina
at 9:06 AM
Mec said...

i don't really have answers to your questions...all i know is that choosing to love someone is a choice you have to make everyday, otherwise, the love itself will weaken... the relationship itself may die...hopefully, there will be people to help you guys through this... marriages CAN survive infidelity if both of you really work on it... I can't really tell you to forgive him outright, and I can't tell you not to forgive him either... this is something that you and your partner will really have to decide upon and work on...I just hope, you both make the right decision... and you both end up happy pa din... in time :)
at 2:28 PM

wayabetty said...
I'm so sorry Kay! Hang in there my friend!

at 6:43 PM
Heart of Rachel said...
My heart goes out for you Kay. I hope that God will help you make the right decision.
at 9:16 PM

Biker Betty said...
{{{hugs}}} to you Kay. I've been away from the blogosphere for a while and sorry to read about your troubles. What he did is very hurtful and sometimes these things only happen once and never again. Listen to your instincts. If you get a rash thought, wait a day to make sure. I'll be praying for you.
at 2:44 PM

Judy Thomas said...
I'm just checking in to see how you are doing. Email me if you want: maracujabr at hotmail dot com
at 11:41 AM